


"Then come with me, this is your fight too!"

by CaiusG



Series: Ralph Hawke – The Rise of a Blood Mage [7]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:28:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21708220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaiusG/pseuds/CaiusG
Relationships: Anders/Male Hawke
Series: Ralph Hawke – The Rise of a Blood Mage [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1219775
Comments: 8
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**9:34 Dragon – Kirkwall**

> **_A journal-entry from Ralph Hawke’s diary:_ **
> 
> I woke up late in the morning. Time to visit Anders!
> 
> My head still buzzed, the last night was long, so I planned a pleasant conversation… a little flirting... or maybe more... eh, daydreaming! He was upset. Not the best timing to a loose, healing chatting and courtship... But when? I KNOW you want me, just as much I want you! 
> 
> But what he said suddenly sobered me up.
> 
> He was talking about a crazy Templar, named Otto Alrik, who planned to tranquilize every mage in the Circle. Anders perhaps tends to exaggerate but he seemed serious.
> 
> I remembered, he spoke about the Tranquils... there are more and more of them... mages who he knew were harrowed... like Karl... and now, they started the hunt around the Darktown too.
> 
> The cold ran down my spine, then the sheer rage flooded me. I can't let it happen! If they want him, they will have to come through me! I said that to him, and he just told, he worries about me! That I risk my life... and... he would drown us in blood to keep me safe! No one said such beautiful passionate thing to me! And his eyes – gleamed feverishly. Yes. He wants me so badly. Then why...?
> 
> But I can't let him lose himself because of me, because of anyone or anything else!
> 
> I can't leave him alone with it. If he's right about it, I will kill everyone who is involved in this madness, if he's not, then he will calm in my arms... 
> 
> I decided not to call anyone. Anders said that this is the secret tunnel of the Mage Underground, I don't want to risk the secrecy (not to mention, that I don't want to involve anyone; this is our task). If we aren't able to deal with some miserable Templars, we deserve death.

_“Shh! Templars!”_ Ralph whispered, and looked around. _“Many fucking Templars”,_ he added, and slowly pulled his dagger out of his belt, and raised it above his forearm.

Anders stopped him. _"Don't do it! Please!”_ He hissed. " _I know, it’s an easier way, but not necessary, ever."_

 _“Easier? No. It’s painful but necessary. Templars… you know… they killed my father, I was not there to help. I don’t want them to kill you. Remember what you said to me? So… I’m also good at drowning us in blood”,_ he winked. _"Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”_

A faint smile appeared in the corner of Anders' mouth, but it suddenly disappeared. 

_"How many times have I heard---"_

_“And how many times you will hear from me… question: do you want them, or not? If we attack them, we have to be sure, not one of them goes back to the Gallows. We can’t risk it.”_ He looked at Anders' reproachful face and smirked. _“Hey, we get the evidence and kill some dirtbag. C’mon, it will be okay, trust me! Let's go clean the tunnel!”_

Then they saw the girl. She fell to her knees, begging at a Templar. Anders tensed as the cobalt blue cracked and flared from his skin and then slowly fades _“No! Not now! This isn't the place...”_ he whispered.

But then the Templar spoke… He told the girl to be as obedient as a Tranquil and to do _everything_ to him that he wanted her to do.

Ralph clenched his fists. He thought of Bethany. His anger suppressed his pain as the knife slashed against his skin and drew a long, deep wound on his arm. Wrath and power of blood surge through him, his eyes blazed in ice-cold flame as he spoke, _“Get your hands off her!”_

Anders was no longer able to hold back Justice. _“You and your fiends will never touch a mage again!”_

So, it’s begun. 

There were many, but more came from every corner. Ralph began to feel that he had misjudged the situation. "Many fucking Templars" was an underestimation of the number… If they finished with one, two came to replace… 

Corpses lying everywhere, but it is far from over. The twisted bastard still remains standing and command his swarm. Pain was Ralph’s best companions - he knew would have died already without blood magic.

His skin covered in wounds, yet only half are from the Templars. Father... Ralph often imagined Malcolm’s final stand against the Templars, but at the moment he could almost feel his father’s hopeless struggle, and he was not there to stop them. Now, he will not fail!

Justice was restless - he fought like an immortal. Air saturated with the smell of Ozone. Ralph felt the Fade energy and this gave him strength. He looked at the girl, who was covering her eyes, shaking in the corner, then at the perverted bastard’s smug smirk. HE CANNOT FAIL! For this girl, for his father and Bethany's memory, for Anders, and for himself!

As his knife penetrated into his flesh again, he heard the voice. 

_“Do you see him?”_

Ralph felt he should look at Justice (not like if he wouldn't feel this always since he met Anders...).

_“Impressive, isn’t? And just a little spirit... I can give you much more power. Forget the pain, everything can be yours. Let me help you! Just one word… You want it… You always wanted… You know me, and I know your dreams… I’m your best friend. Just say the word! Let me help you win here – and everywhere!”_

It was a comfortable feeling.

Uplifting. Powerful.

And false.

The reality was the fight. The pain. His love cornered and surrounded by Templars. And a blade, at his back… 

_“Focus, Ralph, you fool! DO NOT FALTER!”_ Hawke whirled around himself and stabbed his staff blade into the templar's chest. Up to the hilt. _“You don’t need anyone else’s help!”_ He turned to Anders, while he hissed: _“If we aren't able to handle some miserable Templars, we deserve death."_

His head was clear again. Focused, he jumped into the middle of the Templar’s circle. Before they realized his presence, his mind blast paralysed the Templars for a moment, and he filled his power from their life. Their way was free again.

 _“The time came, you perverted monster…”_ Ralph slowly turned to the templar named Alrik, who held the fainted girl before himself, as a shield. Ralph looked at him almost kindly. The power of blood glowed in his eyes. _“Now you carefully put that girl down… gently, willingly and happily. Good boy… Yes… smile, you bastard… “_

Justice finished with the other Templars when more appeared, almost from nowhere. 

“ _… and go, execute those intruders!”_

Alrik charged to his men in trance and struck them.

Ralph looked at the scene, then nodded. 

_“Enough!”_ He ordered the Templar. _“You’re not very effective, let me finish it!”_ Said Hawke, he summoned a block of stone from the Fade, around Alrik. _“Wait here, be patient!”_ He smirked.

Since Ralph recovered, those Templars were easier prey, and it seemed Alrik didn’t have more reinforcements. The tunnel was truly silent.

 _“Yours!”_ Ralph offered the trapped Templar to Justice while he bowed with a theatrical movement. _“Just a moment, please, I should clear his head to force him to understand what and why is happening to him and to realize, he will die for his s---”_

But Justice didn’t wait. With a thundering voice, he accused the Templar and executed him immediately. _"They will die! I will have every last templar for these abuses!"_

 _"We’ll kill them all, I promise"_ Ralph was firm. _"Let’s go looking for the clue, and leave this place with the girl…"_

 _"Everyone of them will feel Justice's burn!"_ Answered Justice.

When the girl woke up…

 _"Get away from me, demon!", she_ screamed.

Justice slowly turned to the girl. _"I'm not a demon! Are you one of them, you call me such...?"_ He roared, stepped over to her and raised his staff…

Ralph stretched his hand for Justice, but he didn't even realize. The idea that he will be forced to fight with him again, frightened Ralph, but he was prepared. Ralph shouted, still, tried to convince him. _"Justice, that girl is a mage, we rescued her from being made tranquil---."_

_"She's theirs, I feel..."_ Justice’s voice was a little less confident but didn’t leave the girl.

Ralph grabbed his momentary uncertainty and continued. _"She's your... OUR reason we’re fighting, don’t turn on her now!"_ He _knew_ he will convince his love – or rather he knew if he will not... NO! It's _sure_ , it could not happen. Some things are certain. SHOULD be certain!… 

There was a hard fight behind them, but probably that moment was the hardest part of this. He didn't want to lose Anders.

 _"Please, messere!"_ The girl's voice sounded distant to Hawke. He only saw Anders.

Yes, it was Anders. Justice’s threatening glow and thundering voice disappeared. The man, crouched on the ground, holding his head and spoke incoherently was Anders. _"Maker no! I... I almost..."_ he slowly stood up, looked at Ralph. His gaze was confused and frightened as he continued: _"If you weren't here... I... I need to get out of here!"_ And ran away.

From himself.

***

Ralph was left alone with his thoughts and with the problems. He should speak with him, to calm him! But before, he should search for the proof… and to escort the girl out of… Hawke looked around... Where is the girl?

Oh, fuck! He should find her and help her to leave Kirkwall. She’s not safe here. On the other hand, if the Templars find her, and took her back to the Circle… Ralph didn’t really want the Knight-Commander to hear what exactly happened here. So, the farther the better. _"For her and for us as well,"_ Ralph muttered and shook his head. _"Fuck Justice, you’re not making things easier for me!"_ He's swearing and started to search of the dead monster’s armour.

Here! So, it exists! The idea seemed too crazy, but he believed in Anders – and he was right, it proved. Ralph didn’t know how he should feel… Everyone he knew would have thought Anderst was a fool… Fenris, Aveline… Sebastian! _"The Templars wouldn’t plan such a thing, they protect the people, the mages, they serve the Most Holy, Andraste! Impossible, Hawke!"_ A faint, bitter smile appeared in the corner of his mouth as he almost heard Sebastian's accent, then suddenly disappeared. Probably even his father would not have believed it. And yet… He should be happy it proved? Madness…! 

He shook his head and read further. The Grand Cleric… The Divine… and even the Knight-Commander… rejected the idea… Thanks to the Maker! But that man was crazy! And they still kept him in the Order! That man was entrusted to guard the mages! Ralph looked around… the corpses… Many corpses... Yet, how many followers that madman had? And how many of them are still alive and still in charge in the Circle?

Ralph sighed. Not now the time to think about it. The girl still here somewhere and fears. Suddenly a thought flashed in his mind... It wouldn't be better if she would just forget that…? The Templars’ attack… the massacre… Anders... Justice… Fuck... it just a little wound on his wrist, and every problem solved… So simple… it worked on the Templars, not once…

Yes… it worked… on the Templars… in danger… but this is just a mage girl!

And then he saw the girl, She was crouching in a corner, looking back at him with fear and desperation in her eyes.

Bethany appeared in Ralph’s mind, his nine-year-old frightened little sister. She showed her hands to him, and sobbed: she didn’t know what happened… she almost hurt Carver…

That girl in the tunnel was not Bethany. But not even a Templar in fierce situation. His own voice echoed Ralph’s mind… "We rescued her from being made tranquil… She's your... OUR reason we’re fighting, don’t turn on her now!" Holy fucking shit, how he was able to even think about it! He stared at his knife in his hand then put off. If she forgets everything, yes it would solve every problem… It’s her sake… of course... Idiot! Not. A fucking... hypocrite monster!

The girl moved in the corner, looked at him and whispered. _“Who… what… was that thing?”_

Ralph didn’t know what he should say… but wanted to calm her. And he tried… (At least with Bethany, it always worked…) _“Don’t worry, It was just the Circle’s trick to scare you away from ever summoning demons”_

 _“I… wouldn’t … I would never!”_ She stammered. Her eyes were wide. 

Ralph became serious. _“It was a joke. The Chantry would call him ‘abomination’. I call him friend…”_

 _"…Love…”_ whispered to himself. 

The girl’s voice brought him back to the ground.

_“Can I go home, messere...?”_

_“Hawke... Yes… of course, you can’t stay here, you must leave Kirkwall…”_ Ralph said, then suddenly fell silent.

Yes. She must, that sure. But it's not that simple. “They hunt you down… again, and again and again…” Anders… his father… and a childhood memory. The older, dirty, blonde guy he met with... at the Calenhad Tower... was a run-away mage. This is why his father was scared... The Templars, yes. The thoughts were rushing through his head. The phylactery. He didn't find when he searched the corpses, and he was sure the girl just ran away.

_“...What about your phylactery…?”_

_“What? Oh… I… I just wanted to go home, they didn’t watch, and I ran…”_

_“Yes. That was exactly I was afraid of,”_ muttered Hawke, and turned to the girl and look at her eyes. _“Listen to me, girl…”_

_“Ella… Ella is my name”_

_“So, Ella, I'll take you to a safe place, and..."_ there was no time to hesitate _"...look,_ _I don’t want to hurt you, but I need some… blood from you. I’ll cut your hand, but don’t worry, I’ll be careful. It’s important. And safe. I promise.”_

Ella looked at him frightened. _“Blood magic…”_

...Safe... yes, he knew it is... at least... so it's safe..., but this not exactly what the circle taught the girl... Maker, even his father was disgusted by Blood magic, and honestly he was able to understand, with the time and his experience, more and more... 

_“Yes. Blood magic. Like the phylactery. Trust me. This is the safest way I know. Now come with me, you need clothes. In this robe, you’ll not leave Kirkwall, the first Templar you meet will bring you back to the Circle – and I’m sure I can’t throw a pebble blindly here without hitting a Templar.”_

Ralph saw the faint smile in the corner of Ella’s mouth. He remembered Bethany again. His mother never really understood how he could always reassure her. Sometimes he neither.

***

They walked silently through the tunnel toward Hightown, when Ella spoke timidly.

 _“Messere... Hawke... may I ask what you will do? … If… After you... took my blood…”_ , she shivered.

 _“Yes, you can ask. My answer is: I'll help you to leave Kirkwall”,_ he told her, and added: _“I suppose that’s all you want to know.”_

The girl looked at him with wide, questioning eyes: _“But… I…”_ started uncertainly, then changed her mind. _“Y-yes… Maybe you’re right.”_

Ralph nodded, and they continued their way without a word. 

_“Here!”_ Ralph stopped. _“You’ll be safe here, wait for me, please. I’ll bring you clothes, and try to arrange your travel. You can find books here to read, if you want, or just try to relax.”_

Ella looked around the chamber. It was not a great room, but bigger like her cell in the Circle, and quite homelike, considering the circumstances. There was a bed, a desk, a bookshelf, even a washbasin behind a curtain.

 _“Where are we? Does anyone live here?”_ The girl was filled with questions.

 _“Under the Hightown, my residence. And no, no one lives here now. Sometimes… ‘transit travellers’. Just like you. I found that entrance months ago. An ideal spot for a persecuted, a little shelter.”_ Ralph said, then looked at Ella. The girl seems tried to show confidence, but in her eyes, he saw the suspicions, fear – and he understood. Feynriel came into his mind, the mage boy and the low-life ex-Templar who would have sold the boy in exchange for some "dust" to the slave traders. The boy thought he was safe. _“Don’t worry, I’m here to protect you. At this moment probably your only friend. Look around, this is your room now. Maybe just for hours, but I’m not lying, maybe for days. Wait here, and try to relax. I know it’s not easy to you now. I’ll try my best, I promise.”_

Ella nodded uncertainly. She was still not really calm, but at least she sat on the edge of the bed, and took a book from the shelf. She didn't ask more. The stranger… Hawke disappeared behind the curtain, and she was left alone with her fears and doubts. She began to flip the pages in the book absently, then found herself reading – until the book fell out of her hands. She fell asleep.

Hawke returned with the clothes, and a vial and gently shook her shoulder. 

_“Wake up, sleepy girl! The clothes arrived, for your service.”_

Ella slowly opened her eyes and looked at the pile of clothes. They were simple ones, but not poor, it looked like someone had already worn them, but they were in good condition. It seemed to fit her. She chose one, and looked at Hawke.

_“Thank you, messere. But… doesn't anyone miss this?”_

_“Whoever owned it no longer benefits from it. But it can save your life. She would glad to see that… She was a wonderful person… I… nevermind.”_

_“Don't you want to keep it yet...?”_

_“Look at me ... I fear, it does not suit me. Not my size.”_

Ella's eyes were wide, she opened her mouth as if she wants to say something but closed it. Ralph smiled faintly.

When he spoke again, the smile disappeared already. _“But… now we have an unpleasant thing yet, before you change your wear… your blood, you know. Give your hand, I’ll be careful as I promised. It’s important, I’m sorry.”_

The girl shivered but reluctantly reached out his hand toward Hawke. She closed her eyes and clenched her mouth.

Ralph’s hand was dry and rough. And it was getting colder, nevertheless not unpleasant. She didn’t feel pain, when the man made a small cut in her arm. Slowly she opened her eyes and saw her blood drip into the vial. Weirdly, she had not feared but turned her head. 

_“Almost done, then you can change your wear”,_ she heard. She looked at her arm, the wound was just a faded line, and she saw as it slowly disappeared in the green light from Hawke’s hand. 

_“You’re a healer and a blood mage?”_ She wondered.

_“The Chantry taught that the blood magic so evil, you can’t be both? But I can’t say I’m a ‘healer’ I just know some restoration spells, that’s all. And I hope you're not afraid of me already.”_

_“I’m sorry… I wasn’t... I’m just...”_

_“Yes, you were, and this is understandable. Calm down, change your robe and come.”_

_“We’ll meet with some guys.”_ Continued Ralph, when they left the secret hideout. _“Mercenaries, like me. My men. They will not interact with you during the travel, but they will care about your safety in a piece of the travel. They look rough, but they’re not as bad as it seems. At least they listen to my words and to this…”,_ Ralph said, and put a purse in Ella’s hand. _“This is yours, you will need it. Use wisely! I have some work yet.”_

_***_

Ralph accompanied Ella from the tunnel, to the docks. She’s safe at the moment. Anders… He’s wounded, he should visit him… but not now, not yet – before he should remove the clues – or at least to mess them. And trying to eliminate the phylactery problem… Ralph sighed. He will not finish with those until dawn, but he must hurry. Probably the disappearance of the Templars will be noticed in the Circle, sooner or later. Rather sooner, he was afraid. 

He has reached the place. He didn't seem to be late. He sighed. He always hated cleaning, and this one will be more disgusting than before anything… Let’s see… 

Then found one. He took away the Templar armour from the corpse, put the robe on it and started the ritual. He was not sure it would work, but he didn’t know, where is the girl’s phylactery… and if he knows… probably not that easy to steal it… so, still this is the best try…

Done. 

And now, the corpses… Templars and lyrium smugglers. Perfect. He found powder kegs, much better than he would use only magical fire. Ralph took some explosives and set up the explosion. Then he looked around, and just for the sake of safety, he burned the place. _“The Maker –or the Stone–, bring you peace!”_ whispered when watched the flames. 

He was tired, stinky and empty when finished… He made his way slowly towards Darktown…


	2. Chapter 2

**(Anders’ POV)**

He didn't know how he arrived at the clinic. Just remembered as he ran – ran away from his thoughts from everyone and everything. From himself. No place for him in among the wardens... in Kirkwall... there are any place for him in the world? It happened again. The massacre and the girl... Abomination. He can’t run away from himself. The flashes. What happened? If Hawke isn’t there, he would… No! He was there… but…

Flashes...

Remembered to the Hawke’s wide smile… _„Let's go clean the tunnel!”_ And the Templar... who killed Karl…! That lizard’s voice, as spoke to the girl. And laughed… And Ralph’s smirk, as he lifted his dagger over his arm… and winked when he told: _“I’m also good at drowning us in blood”._ Bastard! His heart ached to the thought. He loves him. He must leave him. Leave everything.

The Templar killed Karl, but before used him. And Karl was not able to do anything against him. He killed his soul, and now, he wants to kill that girl’s soul. And to use her.

He filled with devastating anger… and then he heard his own voice.

 _“You and your fiends will never touch a mage again!”_ The voice was strange, far and thunderous. It was his rage.

It was Justice.

Flashes.

He felt no pain. He saw the battle, strangely afar, still felt everything. As he slammed his staff into the Templar's heart. He smelt the blood. How easy to kill them. He didn’t understand why he fears them… he felt they hit him. But they can’t kill him.

He saw Hawke fights, surrounded by Templars, but he stood unwaveringly. He wanted to go there and help him, but he couldn't. He was far.

Everything was far and close. A weird dream… And he knew this dream well. He wished he wouldn’t.

He heard Hawke’s voice from the afar. _“Yours!”_ And something else, he wasn’t able to remember.

But he saw that perverted lizard sharply. And took his head without hesitance.

It was Justice.

His thundering voice said a judgment: _"They will die! I will have every last Templar for these abuses! Everyone of them will feel Justice's burn!"_

And Hawke responded. _"We’ll kill them all, I promise"._

But then he heard…

 _"Get away from me, demon!",_ the girl screamed.

Hawke’s voice faded. Anders saw his mouth, knew he says something but only one voice echoed in his head: _Get away from me, demon! Get away from me, demon! … demon! …demon! ...demon!_

_Panic. Anger. I’m not demon. I’m not demon. I’m Justice!_

_“I’m not demon!”_ Heard his own voice again. He’s not demon, he’ll not be a demon! The Templars called him demon… in the forest... he burned them. All of them… Blood everywhere, they wanted to kill him. Abomination! Demon! Heard again and again and again... Anders felt that he was raising his staff, ready to stab the one who said it. _“Are you one of them, you call me such...?"_

The voice came from afar, from beyond the veil of anger and hit his heart. The staff stopped in the air, Justice turned toward from where he heard the voice:

_“Justice, that girl is a mage, we rescued her from being made tranquil---."_

_“She's theirs, I feel..."_ The thunder had lost its strength, as he looked into Ralph’s eyes

And Ralph continued. _"She's your... OUR reason we’re fighting, don’t turn on her now!"_

Weird how many things he lost from the battle, but how much little things he still saw sharply. The dread in Ralph's eyes, and the cold determination as he gripped his knife. Would he do it? It was a strangely comforting feeling. Then that's the end … or…Justice… he will kill him? No! And this is a girl, a mage, he… what he does here? This isn’t justice. It can’t happen!

Suddenly the tangled thoughts faded. He felt quiet. And free. Looked around. _“Maker no! I... I almost..."_ The girl was not there. She ran away. Anders raised his head, and his gaze met with Ralph’s. The fear in his eyes was replaced by relief _. "If you weren't here... I... I need to get out of here!"_

And just ran and ran… But where could he run?

The clinic was quiet. He gathered himself and sent everyone before. He sat down, burying his head in his hands. And just sat. Sometimes he looked hopefully at the door, but he didn’t know what he expected. He won't come. Certainly not. Why would he? 

He didn't know how much time had passed. Better if he does not come.

He knew he couldn't stay. He began to pack feverishly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still WIP and unfinished.  
> (Not that easy to write Anders...)


	3. Chapter 3

Everything is done, he already finished the job. His mind emptied to give a place the next problem… 

Anders. Justice.

In fact, since hours he saw nothing but the frightened man burying his face in his hands, but the other problems hold back him to thinking about it. 

Now, however, there was nothing to prevent him from facing it. He had to admit, he’s afraid to face this.

Not with the “Abomination” _(stupid Chantry term, they know nothing!)..._ Ralph knew what is he. But it was never a problem before. He saw him “glowing”, he faced his righteous fury when they spoke about their life, the Circle, and in battle sometimes. But he never faced with this side of him. What if he can't stop Justice? Nonsense. Justice heard his words, and listened to him. Or Anders? No matter, he stopped. 

He was sure, they will handle it... together... the word 'together' flooded him with warmness. He smiled when he had no reason to smile. They weren't "together", still, he always felt that... Eh! _"Focus, Ralph, don't let silly things distract you!"_ He shook his head.

He must talk to him... calm him… help him. He could see the despair in his eyes...

And that frightened him. It was the harder territory to him. Help… but how? He would kill anyone who threaten his beloved one, he was good at solving problems, like in the secret tunnel. Practical things. But this is different. What can he do? 

He was never good at reassuring people. He just tried to speak with Fenris... Fenris went away. ... Went he? He fled! It was a mistake. Ralph knew it even before... Eh. But Bethany… He was always able to calm her, to make her smile. And Bethany died. If he would have been able to make her happy she wouldn’t sacrifice herself at that damned ogre! No he was not too good at it. He was sure about only one thing: he doesn’t want to lose Anders. 

And if he’s not able to do it, who would be? If he fails, who would be willing to help?

But what if he… late? 

Hours passed since they killed those Templars. The dawn was slowly approaching, but it was dark here. Almost like his thoughts. Darktown was always dark. Day or night, in a tunnel, doesn't matter, and the whole Darktown was a network of tunnels under the city. An abandoned mine. It was always dark, but there was a little light always. But now, he didn’t see that light before the clinic… that light of hope to many poor – that light, what called him to the Darktown always, and he ran here with a feverishly beating heart every time. 

He didn’t think, Anders sleeps...

Ralph started running. 

The door was closed, he knocked and waited a while. _“Patience!”_ He tried to calm himself. No answer. He only heard his own gasp. The mage no longer hesitated. He kicked the door, and rushed into the clinic. 

He saw Anders, he stood with his back to him and despite the loud arrival seems, he didn't realize Ralph's presence. Ralph moved closer, and heard Anders’ voice.

 _“Keep, keep, trash… keep… trash...”_ The usually passionate voice now sounded monotone.

Ralph was relieved he saw his love. His accumulated tension erupted in a shout. _“Stop that! You’re acting like a moody child!”_

Anders slowly turned to him, while he answered. _“We were wrong, I’m a monster! Everything I ever do will be stained by this. If you weren’t there, I’d have killed that girl. I’ll not put in that position again.”_

He can’t let him go… He should prevent he just leave Kirkwall – leave him! Just like this. Alone. Ralph couldn't bear the thought of not seeing him anymore. Patience! He reminded himself. And heard his own voice. _“Listen to me! You were out of control, yes, but even then, you heard what I was saying!"_ He was still yelling at him. Ralph didn't know what to say, how to say... He stepped closer, stretched out his hand toward Anders but pulled it back. And continued, despairingly, ardently but much softer. _"You knew in your heart that you had to stop.”_ He saw on Anders's face that he might have calmed a little. Perhaps, he will stay, and together, they can work on the problem. He hoped again.

 _“You have too much faith in me. Without you… How can I fight to freedom of mages, when I’m the example of the worst that freedom brings?”_ Anders' voice was still full of doubt, but already he spoke about the freedom... he returned!

And Ralph replied. _“You’re kind of everything good little apprentices told to fear…”_ a wide smile spread across his face.

But Anders continued… _“How can i even trust myself to heal anymore? What if that creature of vengeance turns on the patients? Will he… will I resist, or will I lose in his fury?”_

 _“Look... we got rid of that Alrik, right?"_ Ralph looked at him seriously. _"Meredith will be perhaps more reasonab---”_ suddenly he laughed _“eh, this that bullshit as it sounds… but at most we kill her… Don’t worry, I’m here for you. I promised, at the secret tunnel.”_ Ralph was still smiling, but his voice was firm.

Anders was himself again. _“Did you find anything on ser Alrik? Or was the Tranquil solution just another of my delusions?”_

_“Delusions? What do you speak about? It exists! But it was just that monster’s plan…”_

_“Let me see it!”_ Anders looked at the document with interest, then exhilarated. _“The Divine rejected the idea… Meredith rejected the idea… This was not what I expected. Perhaps, I should try talking to the Grand Cleric. Maybe she’s more reasonable than I thought._

_“You can try, yes, but I'd be more careful in cheers. True, it was his crazy plan. True, the Divine refused that, also Meredith. But Alrik was clearly mad, that's clear to me, when I read this letter, and they kept him as Templar. Seems the Order needs such kind of Templar... the Divine needs such kind of Templar... And when I looked around at the secret tunnel… we killed many! They heard what he plans with the girl, and they had no problem with it. They agreed with it! They’re all were able to die for him. Do you think, he didn’t speak about his crazy plan? How many Templars in the Circle think like him? You were right about everything, but you're too benevolent. The problem is deeper than I thought, while I had never any illusion. We have to purge that infected nest. I don’t know how yet, but I’ll work on it, I promise!"_

Anders looked at him in surprise and gratitude _“Thank you, I’ll think on what you said... But..."_ Anders hesitated " _I know... I don't have right to ask... but... what happened to the girl?"_

 _"Don't worry, she's safe, I took care of her."_ Ralph smiled. _"I arranged everything... I hope. The secret tunnel is clean now, I messed up the clues. But I should recommend another path. Alrik knew about that way, and if he had, I'm sure, anyone else could know as well."_ Then he paused for a moment and breathed deeply. _"O_ _ne thing yet… again… don’t forget: never lose your faith. Justice heard my voice, listened to me, and retreated. We’ll find a way to handle your problem. You know… I studied some alternate knowledge---”_

_“You mean forbidden knowledge… blood magic… You can’t help me with blood ma---”_

_“Oh, I can… In fact, I did…”,_ Ralph smirked, then continued: _“but now, I didn’t speak about blood magic, I spoke about different cultures, where a possessed man isn’t an “abomination”. I know, it’s hard, but I’m sure we’ll find a way. I’ll help you with this, trust me._ Ralph stepped closer, took his hand, and looked into his eyes. _“Trust me, and trust yourself. Anders… I---”_ Ralph released Anders’ hand and turned away. _“I should go…”_ Time is not right, yet…, he felt… but when the right moment will come? Why so problematic with him everything? _“I’ll back later”,_ he looked back, and smiled. He saw on Anders's face that it would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still WIP


	4. Interlude

**(Part I., Ralph's POV)**

Ralph headed to home. It was a long day – and a long night... the sun was high in the sky, but he didn’t see. He was sure the sunshine would burn his eyes. In the tunnel, the darkness reigned, and now, he preferred the darkness – it was familiar, soft and gentle to him. Ralph was tired, distracted - and excited. Too excited to sleep. And every part of his body ached. 

Thoughts were racing in his head. 

He took out the flat bottle and took a sip. Would have done... The bottle was empty, and his mouth dry as the desert. The mage turned the corner toward the Hanged Man.

The sunlight blinded him as he stepped out of the tunnel. He looked around, squinting, and sighed. It was later than he thought. Ralph accelerated his steps, and the pain stabbed him. Fuck…

He entered the tavern. _"A beer!"_ , Ralph shouted. _"And something stronger!",_ he added, sat down, and buried his face into his palm.

 _"Drink this!"_ Varric sat down, two jugs in his hand. _"Dwarven ale. A gift from the Carta…"_

Ralph looked at him. _"Carta? I wouldn't have thought you wanted to poison me...",_ he laughed and took a sip of the drink, then more... and more... until the jug emptied. _"That was good, I owe you one."_ He wiped his mouth into his sleeve. 

_"I don't want to compliment, but other times you look much better … What happened, Hawke? You disappeared, and Blondie’s clinic was closed. The lamp was not lit. Seems you were with him. And now, in the late morning, you here in bloody torn clothes, covered by wounds… you look like you're not starting the day, but just finishing a long one… I'm sure there was ugly trouble… C’mon, Hawke, tell me---"_

_"It’s often happening, what's so special about this now?"_ Ralph interrupted the dwarf.

_"I know Blondie… he’s much better and committed healer than let you walk away like this… Not mentioned how he looks at you… He wouldn’t allow it in normal case… And you’re nervous. Usually, you’re angry or cold but now… ---"_

Ralph looked at Varric and thought, how much he knows about them. Anders and him. As he looked into the dwarf's eyes, he was tempted to tell everything. Ralph drank in the gulp terrible booze, that Corff just had put to the table. He grimaced and shook his head.

 _"Nothing special, just ... I'm tired. It was a long day, and night ... that's all",_ he said, then added: _"Thank you for the ale, but mind your own business."_

 _"I heard well? You and Anders? This is interesting… "_ Isabela stepped to the table and looked at Hawke, then turned to Varric: _"Your rumours about Fenris weren’t correct then… or…",_ Isabela smiled at Ralph challengely: _"You, Fenris and Anders… and Justice… That must be exciting!!!_

 _"Keep your nose out of my affairs! Both of you!"_ Ralph snapped and slammed his fist on the table. The pain reminded him not to make sudden movements.

 _"Oh, fine. Prude."_ Isabela turned away resentfully. 

Ralph laughed out loud. _"Nobody called me prude before."_ He rummaged in his bag and pulled out a bottle. _"Wait… That’s yours."_

Isabela looked at the bottle. A little ship was inside. _"Oh, great. Another ship I can't get to."_

 _"It’s an ornament. I found it and thought… eh, nevermind..."_ he said while looked for Corff. Ralph shouted: _"Another round, please”,_ and turned to Isabela and Varric. _"C’mon, join to me! Just don’t snoop around me, and spread foolish gossip about my privacy! Let's drink, and play Wicked Grace instead."_

_***_

_"Hawke!"_ Varric shook Ralph’s shoulder: _"Your turn!"_

 _"Leave him. Fell asleep. Rigid like a corpse."_ Isabela poked the sleeping mage with her index finger and made a funny grimace _"Such a shame."_

_"Don't leave him here. He's wounded and drank as much as a squadron of dwarf warrior. The waking will be hard for him... come, Rivaini, help me to put him to bed! He'll be back in a few hours."_

_***_

The ceiling was unfamiliar. At least ... it's not his bed. Where the void is he and how did he get here? A dream? The Fade? Why he would dream this?

A slight throbbing in his head made him realize that this "dream" isn't a dream. Ralph sat up and looked around. The Hanged Man. Varric's bed... But... why he's here? Then he remembered all at once. 

His body was still aching from the previous day's battle. The pain had subsided a little, but it didn’t go away completely. Bloody Templars! He slowly began to heal himself, recalling the sun. Anders, Justice, the girl ... Ella... and Anders again. Then in the morning. Varric and Isabela. Everything was clear now. He remembered Varric's teasing, "eh... once I'll kill this dwarf!", he murmured and smiled. Ralph realized he had never had a real friend. Suddenly an old memory seeped into his thoughts. The older kid... at the lake... His soaked hair hanged into his face, but his eyes were warm. _"You don’t have many friends, right?"_ He couldn't forget him for a long time. He had a strange thought. The kid, from the past, somehow was familiar to him. He dismissed the thought. 

He thought of Anders again... his heart began to beat hard. He has to visit again! Then Ralph looked at himself... he is dirty, bloody and smells like a cesspit. His mouth was dry. He has to get himself in order. The mage jumped up from the bed and went down the stairs.

He stopped at the bar, ordered a beer, then emptied the jug with one gulp, and stormed out. The afternoon sun warmed his face pleasantly. He felt that this day still had something in store for him. Something good. Then a bitter smile appeared on his face. Dreams…

***

**Hawke-Amell Estate, afternoon**

Out of the bathroom, Ralph looked in the mirror. He liked what he saw. Traces of yesterday’s events aren’t completely gone yet, but he found it might make him look even more appealing. He knew he looks good.

He also knew Anders thought so. Ralph saw it in his eyes, heard it in his voice.

Then why?

Three years have passed. Three years and nothing happened. Constant flirting, and ... nothing more.

Karl? The Circle? Blood magic? Or is Anders afraid of himself? Bullshit! He should not be feared.

Ralph didn't understand.

He looked at the guy in the mirror. His hair was still wet, his lips swollen, and the scratch that a Templar had drawn on him in battle was still faintly visible. Eh, he has to be more careful.

He thought of Anders again.

It is impossible they not to come together. He felt they were created for each other. Then... blood magic, he sighed, ...and his deal with the sloth ... maybe this is Anders' reason? But it seemed, he was happy to forget it!

Ralph combed the wet hair from his forehead with his fingers and winked at the guy in the mirror. “Now. There’s the time”, he said – as he did in 1000+1 times in the three years...

* * *

**(Part II., Anders’ POV)**

Anders looked at the receding figure for a long time, still felt to see him when he was completely engulfed in the darkness of the Darktown. 

Ralph's words echoed in his mind.

 _“Don't worry, I'm here for you,”_ he said.

He saw what happened. He was there. And Anders didn’t believe he will see him again… but Ralph came back. Not for blame him, not for calling him a monster like he was. He came to reassure him.

 _“Don't worry, I'm here for you.”_ His words were the hope itself. What he doesn’t deserve. But Hawke didn’t come to judge. Anders didn't understand... but he was grateful. 

_“Don't worry, I'm here for you,”_ Anders tasted the words and warmth flooded him. _"I’ll help you with this, trust me,"_ he heard Ralph's words again and felt on his face Ralph's breath as he stepped closer, took his hand, and looked into his eyes. Those eyes... other times as cold as ice, but now...

No!

He should forget! He doesn't deserve!

Or...?

 _"Trust me... I’ll back later,"_ Hawke said...

And Anders started to trust... maybe he doesn't deserve... but Ralph... he smiled and his smile was the promise.

And then Fenris jumped in his mind... He saw the elf visit Hawke one night. Did Ralph look at him like this as well? Jealousy gripped him suddenly. Pain. And resignation. Maybe it better this way... He doesn't deserve better, but Ralph... Ralph deserves... everything…

But Fenris would be that "everything"? 

No matter... Once, he made a decision. And he will face the consequences. He should concentrate instead of dreaming.

***

He finally fell asleep, and when he woke up he saw everything differently. He will learn to handle the situation. He felt strong, and ... and yes, there's Hawke ... He's not alone. Now, for the third time in his life, he felt he was not alone, but this is not being taken away from him now!

He began to put the packed stuff back to the shelves and cabinets.

He has a purpose here. And a friend. Or more, daydreamed for a moment ... but Fenris' thought dragged him back to reality... 

Oh, no! ... Anders shook his head. It's not going to discourage him! Not anymore!

When Hawke comes back, he'll finally tell him... and he will come back, he promised.

But now he fills the milk for the stray cats. It cannot be true that there are no cats in this crappy city. Not like in Ferelden ...! He missed Ser Pounce! A lot.


	5. Chapter 5

Ralph hurried through the smelly, dark maze of Darktown with a hammering heart. He didn't know what to expect, he regretted not staying with Anders. When he left home he was filled with confidence, but as he thought more and more of their last conversation, hope and concern alternated in his mind. 

Then he saw the dim light from the clinic. He sighed with relief, and went on more calmly, though with quick steps. His confidence is back.

The door was open. The sight stopped him. Ralph leaned against the door jamb and watched the blonde mage bend down with a deep bowl, and he looked at the man’s back in appreciation at him and forgot everything he wanted to tell him. Anders wasn't wearing his thick, feathered coat, and the shapely buttocks were outlined in the thin leather trousers. Ralph didn't step closer, smiled, while his imagination undressed him slowly, hugged him from behind and… Maker, he had wanted him for so long, so desperately!

At that moment, Anders straightened up, Ralph forced-reluctantly awoke of the daydreaming.

_ “What are you doing?”, _ he asked as if he had just arrived here.

Anders turned to him, with surprise but visibly pleased:

_ “Putting out milk,” _ he said, and smiled to Ralph,  _ “I miss having a cat around, but I think the refugees have scared them all of…” _ he explained, and suddenly grimaced and added:  _ “...or maybe eaten them…”  _

Ralph laughed, seeing Anders' face, but Anders continued, leaving no time for response. 

The healer’s voice was calm, but his eyes sparkled and came closer to him, as he said:  _ “You know I’ve been meaning to thank you for having someone like you making a name for yourself in Kirkwall, it’s done a lot for mages…” _

( _ “Maker’s balls, if you want to thank me you would find a more direct way to do it...!,” _ Ralph thought. Anders' closeness made Ralph greedy, but to be honest, his words pampered his ears like the most beautiful music...)

_ “...You’re the kind of leader we need to tell the world we won’t be punished any longer for our maker given gifts” _

Ralph was flattered. He stepped even closer, and hold Anders’ hand. His smile shone as he said:  _ “When you get like this, I think, it will be hard for anyone to turn you down.” _ He looked deep into the amber eyes. He wanted him. Right here. Right now. 

But Anders continued.  _ „I wanted to hold back. You saw what I almost did to that girl... you’ve seen what I am. But I still a man…” _

(Ralph heard, his heart was pounding in his tightened trousers).

_ “...don’t expect me to resist forever!” _

Oh, he didn’t… and he was not able even thinking anymore, but pulled Anders closer, and whispered to his ears  _ “Don’t tell me, show me!” _

Anders grabbed his head, and his hot, greedy lips adhered to Ralph's mouth, their tongues fought a fierce battle. Three years of frustrating desire erupted in a wild kiss. Eager touches, panting and moaning. They're lost in each other. 

But they were still in the clinic, and the moment ended. Their lips parted slowly, reluctantly, but their gazes were still intertwined.

_ “If we could die tomorrow, I didn’t want it to be without doing that,” _ broke Anders the silence, and smiled.

Ralph's eyes widen, he spread his hand and replied resignedly: “So that’s it? You’re ready to die?” He laughed.

But Anders just acknowledged it only with a faint smile and continued seriously.  _ “I thought with Justice, this part of me was over. I can’t give you a normal life, if you’re with me, you’ll be hunted, hated, the whole world will be against us. But if your door is open tonight, I’ll come to you. If not…” _

Ralph didn’t hear the “not” version. Of course, his door will be open. Normal life? When he had “normal” life? When he wanted a normal life? He will be hunted? But this was his life, and he was used to it… to be honest… he liked it... what else can he offer? Ralph was never so enthusiastic, never in his life before. 

Tonight… A few hours. What are a few hours compared to three years? Still, almost unbearable.


End file.
